February 6, 2014

latchkitchen:

WOODY FU

Hometown: Scarsdale, NY

 

Ingredients

Frozen chicken nuggets

1 to 2 slices of Kraft Singles American Cheese

Ketchup or BBQ sauce (optional)

Recipe

Rip out a square foot of aluminum foil, place inside mini toaster oven. Fold over sides of aluminum foil as needed. Open box of chicken nuggets, follow heating instructions. When nuggets are done, rip up cheese into squares, place on top of nuggets. Serve with orange juice.

 

Advanced: When heating has five minutes remaining, place cheese squares on nuggets in toaster, creating a melty burned cheese topping.

———

When my mom got a job at the Scarsdale Recreation Office, it fell to my neighbor to give me rides home from school. I would be home at 3:15 and have unmanaged free time until 5pm. This would translate into the following schedule:

3:15 - 4:00pm / Make a snack, set-up G.I. Joes

4:00 - 5:00pm / Play G.I. Joes

 

Meanwhile, the Disney Afternoon programming block would be playing in the background: Duck Tales, Darkwing Duck, Tail Spin, and Chip ‘n Dale’s Rescue Rangers (later to be replaced by the inferior Goof Troop).  

Remembering the toaster was operating was paramount, since the TV room was in the attic. If I forgot about the snack, I would run down to the kitchen 10 minutes too late and find smoke billowing from the toaster, the cheese reduced to a black sludge, and the meal utterly ruined. This would result in throwing the food out and being filled with shame. 

Later in 10th grade, because I joined the debate team, I had a countdown timer that I used to keep track of food prep. By then, the meals had graduated to Hungry Man TV Dinners (usually fried chicken, occasionally Salisbury steak), which I would bake in the oven. The TV programming had also graduated to watching VHS tapes of Simpsons episodes I had recorded (I was very proud of my mastery over the “record / pause” dynamic, which I used to eliminate all traces of commercials from every episode I taped).

It did not occur to me as odd or pathetic that I was 16, eating chicken nuggets, and watching self-curated Simpsons tapes by myself for hours every day. It was a very natural extension of being a child raised essentially by toys and TV. Once Joe Wiggins, another neighbor, came by and offered to take me outside. I think he felt a brotherly responsibility over me. I wouldn’t have any of it, and was annoyed that my private rituals were impinged upon. 

 

January 9, 2014

latchkitchen:

NICK VOULGARIS, III

Hometown: Huntington, New York

 

Ingredients

Iceburg Lettuce

Thinly Sliced Deli Swiss Cheese

Mayonnaise (optional)

 

Recipe

Peel off 4-5 layers of lettuce from the head and place on a small plate.  Lay 2 slices of cheese over the top of the lettuce.  Microwave approximately 45 seconds until melted.  Eat with fork and knife and smear mayo over the top if desired.  Sometimes a dash of black pepper is also nice.

——-

Although the reader may assume that I was a latchkey kid with no stay-at-home parent, that is not the case.  My father worked, but my mother did not. However, that does not mean that she was willing (or capable) to feed us children or make dinner all of the time.  Frequently, my brother and I were met with the dreaded statement, “Fend for yourselves!” as my mother darted out the door to some event or simply did not feel like cooking on a particular night.

Chris and I would then rummage through the spartan refrigerator like savages so that we could feed ourselves.  Looking behind the many cans of beer for anything remotely edible, we would usually find some lettuce and sliced Swiss cheese.  This became our staple.  

The experiences I learned as a child, having been left alone, unsupervised; are put to good use today as an adult.  I now own and operate Kerber’s Farm, a historic farm and market on Long Island’s North Shore.  Here we sell fruits and vegetables and produce amazing pies, jams, and other tasty treats.

November 11, 2013

latchkitchen:

——-
JESSICA MURNANE 
Hometown: Columbus, Ohio

Ingredients

About 1 cup stale Cheerios 

Half-eaten tub of Cool Whip

Recipe

Open box of Cheerios. Look inside and shake box towards you to make sure it isn’t just dust at the bottom. Pour Cheerios into tub of Cool Whip. 

Mix together with a large spoon (making sure to coat Cheerios thoroughly). Eat directly from tub with spoon.

——-

Cheerios and Cool Whip, this was my finest creation. I would brag about this recipe to my friends, and with their eyes wide open in jealously and disbelief would ask, ”Your mom lets you make that?” 

"Um, yeah," I would tell them. In my head, I created a romanticized vision of me in my kitchen floating around getting to make whatever I pleased. Wearing a sleek apron that made my awkward body go away, choosing from all the fresh ingredients from our pantry and fridge. A little bit of this, a little bit of that. 

Voila! Cheerios and Cool Whip. What I left out of my fantasy was that the Cheerios were stale, my mom had no idea what I was doing after school, and this “recipe” was created out of the only ingredients that I could find that weren’t moldy or fermented. This was long before Kombucha was cool. 

My mom worked a lot. Sometimes three jobs at a time. I don’t ever remember her being there when I got home from school. But I also didn’t know any different. It felt so strange to go over to someone else’s house and have their mom there to welcome us. Why was she asking us so many questions? When were we going to be able to watch Meatballs on HBO? What couldn’t she just leave us alone?

I remember once at a friend’s house after school, we started rummaging through her cupboards without asking. I suggested we make something fun with pretzels (another all-purpose ingredient). Her mom saw us, gave us a side eye, and called her into the other room. She was whispering, but loud enough for me to hear. She told her that if she continued to snack all the time and not ask before she did, she would turn out like her friend (me). Chubby.

This was heartbreaking for a fifth grader to hear. More confusing than sad. Maybe I was kinda fat and my ingredients weren’t that fancy. But my time at home alone in that kitchen, experimenting and scraping together what I could find, was part of an education that still helps me today.

By the way, I still stand by my recipe. Don’t tell me it doesn’t sound delicious.

October 1, 2013
August 21, 2013
August 20, 2013
plswelcome.tumblr.com

plswelcome.tumblr.com

(via plswelcome-deactivated20131125)

July 29, 2013
June 26, 2013
Peonies on Instagram
You have $7 and access to a mason jar. That doesn’t mean you need to Real Simple my Instagram feed to death. It’s getting in the way of the 18-year-olds I follow who post selfies of their abs in the bathroom mirror every 13 minutes.

Peonies on Instagram

You have $7 and access to a mason jar. That doesn’t mean you need to Real Simple my Instagram feed to death. It’s getting in the way of the 18-year-olds I follow who post selfies of their abs in the bathroom mirror every 13 minutes.

June 14, 2013
so-how-was-your-day:

So, How Was Your Day?

Breakfast:
Yogurt. Coffee
Lunch:
Pad Thai. Undesirable lunch special salad.
Dinner:
Annie’s Mac n’ Cheese directly out of the pot.


Morning ➛
Woke up around 7:30. Checked some emails and edited a few pieces. Donated $20 to a friend who is asking people to fund her life, then went to the dry cleaners to pick up a shirt. This is one of those days that calls for a pressed shirt. I am not capable of putting together ‘outfits,’ so I usually rely on the same five button-downs to make it seem like I’m not a complete slob (I don’t think I’m fooling anybody). I put on Solange radio on the way to the train because it is full of late nineties’ R&B. Mya’s “My Love Is Like Whoa” is both perfect and awkward in every way. I’m reading Lizz Winstead’s memoir and watch a mother feed street meat to her toddler (it’s 10am).
Noon ➛
It’s that first or second oppressively humid day in Manhattan this spring. I wait for Business Wife on 17th street and we go to a couple of meetings. I successfully avoid sweating and most other bodily functions in both meetings. It rains a little, but not enough to destroy my mood or my pressed shirt. I head into the office to frantically respond to emails many hours too late, and am thankful that my company is the most forgiving company ever (I have given my two week’s notice but will miss them dearly). Distracted from real work, I read a contributor’s new piece, which makes me realize that I know nothing about the show True Blood. I promise myself I will watch more television. For ‘work’.
Night ➛
I escape the office with precisely 20 minutes to shovel mac n’ cheese directly into my mouth before a meeting with my neighbors at Miles. The meeting quickly turns from business to all of the amazing things people are doing with their lives (my neighbors are fucking lovely, smart, talented, gracious people). I bow out after a few beers and decide that tonight is the night I start watching Game of Thrones. I fall asleep to the first episode and wake up three hours later to write down a bunch of stupid ideas and idly read Twitter until I pass out again.


Three Last Things…
1. What’s up with that cat looking into my soul?
The key to a well curated home is a cherished pet that can look deep into your soul, make you examine your life choices, and match the wall décor. Grandma really nailed it in this shot (she’s also toilet-trained, for the record).
2. So, you gave two week’s notice to your old job - is this to focus full-time on your new site Reductress? It is SO good.
Thank you! Yes, it is to focus on the site and other Reductress-related projects. Signs had been pointing toward a change, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more prepared to explore the possibilities of this little idea we had. There’s a point where a good idea comes into your life, so good that it actually feels like a sin to not pursue it. That’s how I feel about Reductress – it’s something that must be done. Also, it’s fun as hell.
3. Now that you watch Game Of Thrones, which female character would be the best contributor to your site and why?
I’m only into season one so far, but I’d have to say Daenerys Targaryen, cause she has great hair and a super-hot husband who doesn’t talk much. I heard he died in the later seasons, so I’d love to read what she has to say about life as a widow with such great hair.


Sarah lives and works in Brooklyn. She is editor of the satirical women’s magazine, Reductress, with co-founder Beth Newell. Her first play, Cold, premieres this August at the Plays and Players Theater in Philadelphia. reductress.com

so-how-was-your-day:

So, How Was Your Day?

Breakfast:

Yogurt. Coffee


Lunch:

Pad Thai. Undesirable lunch special salad.


Dinner:

Annie’s Mac n’ Cheese directly out of the pot.

Morning ➛

Woke up around 7:30. Checked some emails and edited a few pieces. Donated $20 to a friend who is asking people to fund her life, then went to the dry cleaners to pick up a shirt. This is one of those days that calls for a pressed shirt. I am not capable of putting together ‘outfits,’ so I usually rely on the same five button-downs to make it seem like I’m not a complete slob (I don’t think I’m fooling anybody). I put on Solange radio on the way to the train because it is full of late nineties’ R&B. Mya’s “My Love Is Like Whoa” is both perfect and awkward in every way. I’m reading Lizz Winstead’s memoir and watch a mother feed street meat to her toddler (it’s 10am).



Noon ➛

It’s that first or second oppressively humid day in Manhattan this spring. I wait for Business Wife on 17th street and we go to a couple of meetings. I successfully avoid sweating and most other bodily functions in both meetings. It rains a little, but not enough to destroy my mood or my pressed shirt. I head into the office to frantically respond to emails many hours too late, and am thankful that my company is the most forgiving company ever (I have given my two week’s notice but will miss them dearly). Distracted from real work, I read a contributor’s new piece, which makes me realize that I know nothing about the show True Blood. I promise myself I will watch more television. For ‘work’.



Night ➛

I escape the office with precisely 20 minutes to shovel mac n’ cheese directly into my mouth before a meeting with my neighbors at Miles. The meeting quickly turns from business to all of the amazing things people are doing with their lives (my neighbors are fucking lovely, smart, talented, gracious people). I bow out after a few beers and decide that tonight is the night I start watching Game of Thrones. I fall asleep to the first episode and wake up three hours later to write down a bunch of stupid ideas and idly read Twitter until I pass out again.

Three Last Things…

1. What’s up with that cat looking into my soul?

The key to a well curated home is a cherished pet that can look deep into your soul, make you examine your life choices, and match the wall décor. Grandma really nailed it in this shot (she’s also toilet-trained, for the record).

2. So, you gave two week’s notice to your old job - is this to focus full-time on your new site Reductress? It is SO good.

Thank you! Yes, it is to focus on the site and other Reductress-related projects. Signs had been pointing toward a change, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more prepared to explore the possibilities of this little idea we had. There’s a point where a good idea comes into your life, so good that it actually feels like a sin to not pursue it. That’s how I feel about Reductress – it’s something that must be done. Also, it’s fun as hell.

3. Now that you watch Game Of Thrones, which female character would be the best contributor to your site and why?

I’m only into season one so far, but I’d have to say Daenerys Targaryen, cause she has great hair and a super-hot husband who doesn’t talk much. I heard he died in the later seasons, so I’d love to read what she has to say about life as a widow with such great hair.

Sarah lives and works in Brooklyn. She is editor of the satirical women’s magazine, Reductress, with co-founder Beth Newell. Her first play, Cold, premieres this August at the Plays and Players Theater in Philadelphia. reductress.com

June 12, 2013
Work, queen. Work. (at Zoob Zib Thai Noodle Bar)

Work, queen. Work. (at Zoob Zib Thai Noodle Bar)